Determination

This morning I had our appointment with the LC. We talked about my progress so far and got into a chat about our birth stories and how strange labor and delivery is. After a while, I put the SNS on and Finn latched on and nursed like a champ! After seeing how well Finn took my breast, Anne said that she was really optimistic and proud. She told me that there is a very good chance that I will be able to exclusively breastfeed. I feel so encouraged and so happy! During our first appointment she was telling me that there was a very small chance I could ever EBF again and that I would most likely be able to only partially breastfeed him. Her confidence in us makes me feel so much motivation and even more determination.                               

Still a pacifier for now!

                               

    She suggested that I get a hold of my midwife so that I could get a prescription for medication that will help build my supply. I called Kim’s office (midwife) and left a message with the front desk. I am hoping she gets back to me today so that I can start the medication as soon as possible.

    After my initial breastfeeding experience, I could have never imagined I would be so excited to breastfeed again. I am overjoyed and full of anticipation.

SNS Success

I was nervous about trying this today because the LC told me that it would be tricky. That’s why we have an appointment with her tomorrow, is so she can come and show me how to use it. Turns out, I’m a pro! Finn’s a pro. He latched right on, sucked, and stayed on until the formula was gone. I’ll admit, it is kind of strange knowing that it is not my breast-milk he is getting, but the stimulation he is giving me will help so much in building my supply back up. I don’t know if I can do this with every feeding, but I will certainly try to do it a few times a day.

Suckin the Toobie

Keeping Track!

Day One

I remind myself that everyday brings me closer to regaining the most special and unique relationship with my son. It's difficult to get up in the middle of the night to pump and that is always when I feel like I want to quit, but I keep telling myself in those moments that I DO NOT WANT TO QUIT. I can do this! It WILL happen eventually.

One Day at a Time

10 weeks old and latched on like a champ!

 I have been pumping at least every 2 hours since 7:15pm on January 27^th, 2013. So far I have had 20 sessions of hand-expressing or electric-pumping. There have been plenty of moments where I wanted to quit already. I am barely making any milk and this is such an overwhelming feat, if you allow yourself to think about it. I have resolved to set short-term goals. My goal for the end of week 1 is to be able to fill just the bottom of the bottle. I’m thinking I can do this, because after just over one day I am already seeing an INCREASE! I am so excited and so encouraged. It’s barely noticeable, but before I was only getting like 10 drops every two hours, now I will express just as much, go back to the breast in a few minutes and get that much again! I can tell from what has collected so far today in the pumping bottle that I am getting more already.

     Yesterday a lactation consultant came to meet me in my home. She recommended fenugreek and an SNS (supplemental nursing system). I picked up fenugreek at the grocer last night, and purchased my SNS today. I’m eager to try it out, but I have another appointment with Anne (the LC) tomorrow so that she can show me how to use it.

     Finn had his first appointment with his new pediatrician today. When they asked me about what he eats, I was happy to say, “Formula for now, but I am re-building my milk supply so that we can breastfeed exclusively.” 

Here we go, Here we go again!

Eric and I were at The Soy House, our favorite Vietnamese restaurant, when it occurred to me that I wanted to breastfeed my son. I had a bottle all ready for him in my bag, in case he got hungry, but when I thought of whipping out the bottle to feed him I realized that I would rather whip out my boob. Odd, right? That being in a public place would make me want to feed my baby with my boob, rather than a bottle? It is hard to describe, but I began to yearn for our breastfeeding relationship to return to what it was when he was first born. I only exclusively breastfed Finn for the first two weeks of his life, and then I switched to pumping. I pumped for a week and then quit altogether. It didn’t bother me that I wasn’t breastfeeding him anymore, I was actually a lot happier with bottle-feeding. I admit, it felt kind of weird the first time I gave him a bottle, but for the last 7 weeks, that is what has been working for us.

Finn -- 3 Days Old

    On the night of the 27^th, we were all pow-wowwin on the couch and I thought of trying to get Finn to latch, just to see if he could. To our surprise, he latched on right away! This shocked me because it was such a struggle in the first couple weeks to ever get him to latch. How could he go 8 weeks without seeing a boob and then totally just get it in seconds? It was amazing. Admittedly, he only stayed on for a few moments, but it gave me the idea to re-establish breastfeeding. In the 7 weeks since I last pumped, I haven’t stopped lactating. My midwife had propositioned me earlier this month to re-lactate, so I knew it was an option. She said it would be hard work, but I could build my milk supply up to what it was, and exclusively breastfeed my baby once again.

    I started the pump right away! And barely got anything. I won’t be discouraged, though. I know this is hard work and it is going to take a while, but I really feel that it will be worth it and that Finn and I deserve another shot.